Home At Last!

Five Years in the Wilderness

It started all in 2006, when I took a weeklong vacation leave from work. It has been my tradition to visit my alma mater, De La Salle University, go to the library and spend time reading the whole day. I was in the mood for reading some religious books. I remembered my atheist professor in Philosophy when she said in her article “if your faith is true, you won’t mind putting it to the test.” So I browsed through the religion section of the library, very confident of what my beliefs are.

The early church fathers were alien to me that time. In that section, I saw various church fathers writings. St. Iranaeus, St. Athanasius, and I tell to myself “who are these guys??” The only familiar church father I know of that time was St. Augustine, due to my Calvinist background. Together with those books are some Marian writings. I thought “bring it on!” These books won’t bother me. So I read them the whole day.

The day ended with me shaken to my very core. I left the library with the same faith I had, but felt a bit less sure than when I entered the place that morning.

It was only after five years will I ever set my feet on solid ground again.

Background

I was raised in a family steep in Protestantism. I grew up in Sunday School of a moderate evangelical church and I studied in a very conservative Baptist-oriented school in my elementary and high school days.

Our church, where I grew up, is composed of families that started out as a small bible study group and eventually grew and became an evangelical church. This is where the love of the Bible in me started. At a very young age, we were memorizing Bible verses, we were taught the stories of Jesus in the Gospels, stories of Protestant missionary stories, etc. . During our early teens, I was active in youth groups, together with my siblings. It was home to me. I will always be indebted to this church where I grew up.

Meanwhile, during my elementary and high school years (1993-1999), in my Baptist-oriented school, we were taught of so many anti-Catholic things - the usual Whore of Babylon-Pope-Anti Christ-Mass sorcery-traditions evil, crucifix of the devil, and what have you. Subliminally, we were taught to hate and fear everything related to Catholic.

For the first seventeen years of my life, I was not exposed to anything related to Catholicism (or so I thought), until I reached college.

I would consider my college years (1999-2004) as the most eventful years of my spiritual life. Eventful, because I was exposed to Catholics, started to be curious with a lot of things, trying out new things, living out new philosophies and ideas.

Early on in my college life, one of the most traumatic and significant thing happened. We experienced a church split where I grew up. My parents had to change churches, and that included us in the change.

We were suddenly in a much bigger church, good teaching nevertheless, but it didn’t feel like home to me. The pastors don’t know me personally, and I don’t know them in the same way either. I haven’t felt the huge impact immediately on this event since I was having the time of my life in college. This is where I started to disengage from church life. I became just a regular attender, not wanting to be involved in anything, lest I wanted to feel the pain of a church split again and again. It never dawned on me that deep inside I was really hurt with the split we experienced.
During my sophomore years, I became an agnostic, courtesy of my atheist professor. I continued in that fashion until 2006, the year my father died.

Going Back But Not the Same as Before

In 2006, I felt like coming back to the way it was before. So I joined my mother, who is now worshipping in a famous Pentecostal megachurch in Manila, and tried to regain my lost spirituality there. I rededicated my life back to the Lord and started to be a bit more serious in spirituality.

The church is unlike any other churches I have attended before. They are very strong on the Holy Spirit gifts like speaking in tongues, baptism of fire, prosperity gospel, etc. I was a bit shocked with the environment.

My initial problem was how to convert my current girlfriend (who's now my wife) that time from Catholicism to our faith.
Incidentally, this was also the time my faith was shaken during my vacation leave from work.
After that long vacation, I started searching the internet for some good materials. I wanted to defend my faith, which I thought was the right one that time.

So I read debates between Catholic and Protestants. I have read writings of the famous Catholic apologists such as Tim Staples, Patrick Madrid, Robert Sungenis, etc. After all this, I know I was treading on thin ice already.

In short, I wasn’t able to convert my girlfriend for so many reasons - the weirdness of the things they do in church services, the prosperity gospel that they are espousing, the ridiculousness of the things I see on TV (televangelists). In fact, I was ashamed of them. I started to see the church I was in from outside looking in. How do people of other faith think of us as a church?

There was even a time when there were Sundays when there was no service at all. Instead of a service, there was a children’s musical in place with themes of prosperity gospel in it – that was the last straw that broke the camel’s back. I realized that this is not the place I would like my children to grow up.

My search intensified when I came across a blogger named Michael Spencer, or the famous InternetMonk (Lord have mercy on his soul). Like him, I was in the evangelical wilderness. His writings question the basic practices of Protestants like altar calls, Biblicism, praise and worship and the likes. Although he was a Protestant, many people who visit his site, through his writings, either settled in Anglicanism, Orthodoxy or Catholicism. His death in early 2009 gave me the courage to not give up hope in finding Christ’s true bride.

Early in 2010, I was churchless again, this time, I’m all alone to search for a new church. I longed for something established, more ancient, a place where my spirit can be at rest from the noisy, ever- changing Pentecostal landscape.

In June 2010, I was able to find a church that fitted my needs that time. It was an Anglican Church. The bishop, who is the current rector there is very warm, welcoming, and loving. He is a New Testament scholar. I could not ask for more ideal spiritual father.

But this did not stop me from searching. In October 2010, I started searching again. This is where I encountered Father Abe’s “The Splendor of the Church” blog. I was amazed with how he defends the beliefs of the Catholics against the misconceptions of non-Catholics. This was where I learned a lot about the Catholic faith. His blog was pointing me to different directions – search, research, compare. This also led me to gain Catholic friends over the past few months.

I should have settled already, but I just can’t. As I dig deeper into Anglicanism, I learned of the early church fathers, the first Christians, the councils, the more I uncover Catholicism. Last April 2011 was the birth of my firstborn child. It was also my first experience of Lent. I started to read books written by Pope Benedict XVI, which lead me to read conversion stories like Rome Sweet Home, Surprised by Truth, etc. in the succeeding months.

Last August 21, 2011, during the Gospel reading (Matthew 16:13-20), it felt like it was as if the reading was directed to me.

18And I say also unto thee, That thou art Peter, and upon this rock I will build my church; and the gates of hell shall not prevail against it.
19And I will give unto thee the keys of the kingdom of heaven: and whatsoever thou shalt bind on earth shall be bound in heaven: and whatsoever thou shalt loose on earth shall be loosed in heaven.

I was surprised and happy at the same time. My prayer has been answered. This was bound to happen, I knew it months ago, but I was asking the Lord – I do not want to be rushed. I don’t want to convert just for the heck of it. I want it to be in Your time, just the way You want it. I was planning to convert in 2012, but somehow God wants it ASAP.

This is it! I want to be confirmed already! That night, I expressed this desire to my wife. She was very happy and excited because now, we can really be one family worshipping in one church that God has given to us.

I was drawn to the Catholic Church for several reasons:
1. Because it is universal – it’s the only church that was able to reach all the ends of the earth.
2. Because it is apostolic – I am convinced and firmly believe that Jesus Christ established a visible church, which is the Catholic Church, and through history we are able to trace everything back to Matthew 16.
3. The splendor and beauty of its history and teachings.
4. Using history, simple logic and common sense, you can infer that the Catholic Church is the true bride of Christ.

I have so many other points to raise, but I think it will end up written like a short novel, but anyway, I would like to personally thank Father Abe for being a relentless defender of faith. Now you can see the one of the fruits of your labor.

Right now, I am preparing to get my baptismal certificate in Barasoain Church. I am glad to know that my parents were able to baptize me in the Church. This coming September is my adult confirmation. This time it feels like I’m returning to my home.

I am coming home! †