Swimming The Tiber

I cannot believe that everything is happening so fast.

Last Saturday, I told my wife that I wanted to convert to Catholicism.

It wasn't really a surprise. It's how fast the events that I was surprised in.

I asked my mom indirecty, through my sister, on where I was baptized as a child. It was in Malolos. So I'll go there this Saturday and have my copy of baptismal certificate processed. Coincidentally, a ex-officemate will be wed there in September 3, so I hope they'll be able to find my record and have it certified so I can be confirmed soon.

Details of conversion to follow.

Healing

Last Saturday, mom's cancer was diagnosed as Stage 4. Not really surprising because since February, it looks like the cancer has already metastatized in her stomach. Doctor says Stage 4 means she'll live four to six months from the time the cancer has metastatized. This means only up to August this year.

I started including her in our weekly church prayers last February, our bishop prays for her daily, our previous home church prays for her, and her current church also prays for her.

It is interesting how people's view on prayer differs from church to church.

I know in my mom's church (Pentecostal), prayer for healing is like thanking God for the healing that He has already provided through Christ's suffering. It's like assuming that you have already been healed, you just need to claim it.

Honestly, I don't really understand that paradigm. I know what they mean, but it's like more of "cornering God". You said in your Word that I am healed, and since you're God, you cannot lie, therefore you have already healed me. I find this way of prayer arrogant, assuming and very demanding of God.

In the Anglican church, and if I may add, all other ancient churches like the Catholics and Orthodox, you pray for Christ's mercy for a person to be healed. We don't assume that the person is healed, but we hold on in faith that Christ will heal this person. Healing is not dependent on us, but with God's will. God will heal if it is His will to heal you. So to assume that you have been healed can pose a problem because not everybody who prays for healing were healed.

I remember Papa in 2006, the year he died. He was prayed over on the last Sunday that he lived, but he died three days after.

For me, I don't believe that you can just assume the healing. You need to humbly ask God for mercy to heal you or your loved ones. Regardless if there is healing or not, God is still good. If you're not healed, it doesn't necessarily mean that your faith is lacking.

I saw my mom last Friday curl up in pain. I was in tears seeing her in such pain. What I saw in movies about cancer patients, I am witnessing in real life. But she is fighting it and saying "You said that you already bore my pain and sickness." What great faith. I wish I can come close to that kind of faith. I know God doesn't care what view you hold on healing. He will heal as He please. I hope that God will grant our prayers very soon.

Why I became an Anglican

Most of the things I do, I usually ask myself "why" I do things I do. Becoming an Anglican was not an exception to question myself as to why I did it. What are the motives behind it. While I'm examining myself, I was hoping that the reasons for conversion are valid, because I find it cheap to have "convenience" as the main reason for conversion.

Like I said in my previous post, I was really on the search of the right spiritual path for me. And since I love history, I have great respect for it. I wonder why Protestants throw off the bin all the historical aspects of the Church and the Scriptures. It was as if after Jesus resurrected and ascended into heaven, the Reformation came immediately. So I questioned, what happened in between 33AD and the Reformation? All my life, I believed that Protestantism is the only way to go to heaven.

I was really bothered to know that history is not on the Protestants' side if you will really look at it. If the church has become apostate after 325AD council of Nicea, then Jesus was lying that his Church will prevail against the gates of hell. If what Jesus said is true, then somewhere along the lines of 33AD and Reformation, there exists a true Christianity. A true path of following Jesus.

Using simple logic and history, the Protestant claims seemed to have lost their strength in me. I started to read Protestant-Catholic debates and have understood the Catholic arguments. Suddenly, most of the beliefs I held regarding the Catholic faith begin to crumble.

But this does not explain as to why I shifted to the Anglican faith.

I became an Anglican because:

1. I have great respect for history. Intuitively, I know that something is wrong with the Protestant way of thinking things. Bible-only, forget the history of how we came up with the Bible. I refuse to be "ahistoric". I need to know the basis of my faith, not only basing it solely on my interpretation of the Scriptures, but on the historicity and the credibility of its history.

2. I am tired of waking up every Sunday morning, listening to "new directions" that God has revealed to our pastor. I mean, these "new movings/directions" certainly led to a lot of secondary things being the primary things.

3. I am done with "pressure Christianity". How many people should you share your faith with? Did you "evangelize" today to someone? Every minute counts because someone is going to hell if you don't spread the Good News. Protestantism has a point with that. But they forgot that your own life is the greatest "evangelism" you will ever have.

4. I believe that Protestantism is not the ONLY way to God. If that is the case, then there's a big question mark as to how the souls fared between 33AD and the Reformation? I refuse to believe that Christianity only got it right when the Reformers came into picture.

5. The centrality of the Eucharist makes more sense to me than the pastor's latest pulpit preachings. Most of the time the pastor's sermon feels like attending a self-help seminar. Most of the preaching nowadays focus too much on the health and wealth prosperity gospel. I do not need to know that my life will have prosperity, lots of cash, etc. I came to a point where I hated sermons that focuses much on money, I refute in my mind all the points the pastor has to make.

What I need is to be constantly reminded that I am a sinner saved by God's grace, not financial prosperity. The Eucharist perfectly fits my need.

I believe that the Eucharist is one of the most early teachings of the church (Acts 2:42). Jesus also taught it (John 6:25-59).

5. I don't mean any disrespects to pastors, in fact, I put most of the pastors I've met in high regard. But most of the time, the success of the Sunday service depends on them, on how well they have delivered or interpreted the Bible passage. And theoretically, God forbid, if any of them died, it will be a big blow to the church.

Unlike most protestant churches, creedal churches depend on the traditional liturgies passed on from the ancient church days. Sunday masses are not dependent on how well the priest/bishop gave homily. Just read the flow of the misalette, everything is there for your spiritual nourishment. Old testament readings, Psalm readings, the epistle readings, and the Gospel readings are there to be read and internalized during the mass. Like a balanced diet, this is a complete meal.

I love how we recite the Nicene Creed in unison. The creed itself is all-encompassing, simple yet profound statement of faith.

The beauty of the liturgy is one of the major things that draws me more closer to God's heart. All parts of it are biblical and historical at the same time.

In my next piece, i will write either A.) Major misconceptions on Roman Catholicism or B.) Demystifying Protestant Phrases. Wonder why I'm writing about Roman Catholicism?

Currently, I am attending an Anglican high church which is very similar to the ways of Roman Catholics. In fact, people sometimes mistaken us as Catholics.

As I close, the main reason I got out of Protestantism is simply because I wanted to minimize disunity in beliefs and confusion. I wanted something more uniform and established and tested throughout the years. I could have converted to other creedal Christian religions like Catholic or Orthodox if that was the case. But I have problems with some Catholic dogmas, and I find the Orthodox church very unbending in its traditionalism that it has become too exotic/foreign. Anglican is really the via media between Protestantism and Ancient Christianity. For now, I know that this is where God wants our family to be.

The Anglican Communion

I found a church where I could share and believe the same things as I do. Just along McKinley Road, where I usually pass by going to the office, there is this Anglican/Episcopalian Church, in front of a Catholic Church. I usually see the blue signage, but haven't really looked closer. Until one day, I tried to look closer. It says "Anglican". That did it. I am tired of being in the Evangelical wilderness.

I won't deny that deep inside, I could still feel sadness for leaving the Evangelical world. They're just too messy and diverse for me.

Years before, I was looking for a church that has a uniform set of basic beliefs. Unfortunately, I never found this in Protestantism. You have to adhere to a basic set of thoughts (e.g. Arminian, Calvinist, Wesleyan, etc.) before you become settled. The fact is, I really never have settled with any of these theologies.

With the Anglican Church, I am assured that Sunday after Sunday, we're not after some weird non-essential theology that will eventually form part of the church's non-negotiables. What's important to me is that I know that I am saved by the blood of Christ, not on some list of things to do so I could have a grand time here on earth.

I'll post the reasons why I became Anglican on my next entry.

Insecurities

I was not a happy adolescent.

College life was full of insecurities.

I can't believe I spent almost half of my college life sulking, depressed because I'm not as handsome/intelligent/popular like some of my friends were.

If I were to spend my life again as a college boy, I would stop being a nancy boy pouting because of the things he has none.

I feel so regretful right now...... *SIGH*

God have mercy on me, a sinner.

Church is for Sinners.. I guess..

Matthew 9:13
But go and learn what this means: 'I desire mercy, not sacrifice.' For I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners."


When I was younger, I would hear comments like "How can she go to church and live a sinful life?". In short, if you sin, you shouldn't go to church. If you go to church, the best Christian gesture you'll receive is a nod from the ushers.

Then what happens to what Jesus said - I have not come to call the righteous but sinners?

What else - should we avoid sinners?

Bad company corrupts - indeed, but why did Jesus hang out with all those sinners within those three years of ministry? Because He is God, he cannot be corrupted?
Then if that is the reason why He hasn't been corrupted, then why do we keep on saying that Jesus should be a model to us?

If Jesus is a model, then why shouldn't we hang around more with sinners? Because we might get corrupted? The question just goes around in circle.

Or a better interpretation should be this - be in the world, but not OF the world? I think this would be a better reconciliation of the matter.

I just don't understand some Christians who wants nothing to do/deal with non-Christians because they are sinners and might be infected with sin like AH1N1 does? Don't they need you more than people who are Christians already?

If the Old Testament dudes were in church today, how will things be for them? Most of them have wrecked marriages, drunkards, liars, and stuff. Or would you rather answer by saying that I have a wrong question?

Wealth

Matthew 6:19-20 (New International Version)
19"Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. 20But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal.


I am hurting too many Evangelicals now by this post.

God's plan for us is good. Yes, it is a plan to prosper us and not to harm us.

But never did the Bible mention any guarantee that we'll get rich after accepting Jesus Christ as our Saviour.

God left us with the tools to be rich, and these tools are principles to be rich. Even non-believers also have access to these tools (which explains why there are non-Christians who are rich). These tools are principles that you should abide by like saving, investing, giving, etc.

But puh-leassse! To be poor is not a sin!

And please stop forcing into my beliefs that Jesus Christ was really a rich man when He walked here. There is no such explicit teching in the Bible about Jesus' financial situation.

You know why there's no emphasis on that huh?! It's because money is never an important issue.

Jesus came and died and was raised up not because He wants to get us all wealthy and healthy in this earth. He did those things in order for our spirits to live! That is the pure and unadulterated Gospel.

Sad to say, the word "salvation" has been stretched too much by a lot of Christians, including the church I am attending in. Salvation for them is wholeness, not only in spiritual, but in physical terms too like wealth and health.

For me, I am happy enough to know that my soul will be saved in the end. Assurance that I'll be prosperous in this life doesn't give me comfort. Some Evangelicals will say that this is hypocrisy.

Yes, physical things such as money is still important in these lives of ours, but to focus too much on these things is just plain wrong. It is enough that outside church we are bombarded with things that motivates us to earn more money, but talking about it in church too much is what makes me cringe every Sunday.

Physical things are just temporary. Why do we concentrate too much on these things?

You will have your dream house soon, don't worry.

You will have your business soon, don't worry.

But to measure your spiritual life based on these things is just plain wrong.

Why am I still here toiling for my dream house? Is my faith lacking? Why is my business failing? Is my faith lacking? Do I have anything in me that displeases God?

You think because we are Christians, we are operating outside of the world? That we are immune to accidents, poverty, tragedies?

If you think we are immune to these things, please do tell Steve Green and make him feel that he is a less Christian than you. Please go and tell Sandi Patty that she has been a bitch slut and that she might be not a Christian because she underwent divorce. Don't forget to slap her after doing so.

Weaknesses

2 Corinthians 12:9 (New International Version)

9But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.

Too many times we are taught to be the nicest Christians who live on the face of the earth.

I was raised thinking that Christians should be somehow an epitome of excellence, perfection, and all that. Regularly reading the Bible and praying.

That was until the big scandal happened in the church where I used to attend. That was almost ten years ago. How can a Christian leader commit such atrocity? - I asked myself.

This led to the start of my journey being an agnostic and a church hater. Sometimes I think that being an atheist is better because at least if you're one, there is no possibility that you hate God because you cannot hate someone who doesn't exist, whereas being an agnostic, there is a possibility that the person might hate God.

By God's grace, I'm back to my original beliefs and I'm starting to seek involvement in a church where God wants me to be planted.

I backslid because of wrong ideals. Christians are also humans. I expected too much from our church leaders, to the point that they shouldn't commit such grave sins or else I'll leave the church.

Oh yes, we shouldn't use our humanity as an excuse for these acts, but we shouldn't also deny the humanity of our spiritual leaders in the church. We are all WEAK after all.

Wait! This is the opposite of what preachers today are preaching. Get free from the bondage of sin! You are victorious! You are rich! You are healhty! Aren't these the things we should believe in??

How can God's strength be of use to us if we aren't weak?

Tired, tired, tired...

It is very perplexing! I find myself at the middle of all these madness.....

I am very disappointed with everything right now. My job, the church, myself, name it, you got it.

Only one thing I am very sure of right now - I am no Pentecostal

No matter how I reconcile things, no matter how I pray hard and read the Word, it really doesn't fit in me.

To each his own - I am no longer under anybody's denomination.

Still finding the right job for me. And despite the disappointment in not having one yet, I find the comfort with searching God's truth. I know I will find it. Of course there is no perfect denomination, so I really just have to find one that I can really be myself with. No, I'm not changing religion or anything, but what I am looking for is one that I can relate to.

After years of reflecting, I came to a conclusion that I have different values than that of my mom's. She flourishes in a Pentecostal setup, but I don't because what I seek is a church that is not too showy, not too dynamic, not a church that lean towards prosperity.

I am really offended by prosperity gospel. For a time, I was just accepting the points of it, just getting by. However, as time goes by, I really am still not in agreement with it, more so comfortable with it. And I don't think I will be ever comfortable with it.

This may offend the members of the church I am going to, but the heck with it - I am a very simple person. I have no delusions, nor any plans to get filthy rich or to be in an "abundant" place as so many preachers would encourage their flock to get into. I just wanted to have enough. Enough money so I could help other people, enough assets to just survive. I know that I am not sinning with these thoughts in mind.

Them Televangelists!

I am worried with my mom. She is watching all these TBN/Daystar stuff. At first it was ok with me (which started last year), but now, as I hear these shameless preachers ask for money through donations/credit cards, I began questioning these word-faith preachers of their credibility. I also hate hearing those nigger preachers belting out their prosperity teachings, that's why I lock myself up in my room once my mom turn to those channels.

TBN, under Marilyn's show has this healing cloth which can be ordered. Ridiculous and cheap as well!

Mama might not know that Benny Hinn is popularly known as a fraud/false prophet. There are prophecies that did not come true and when I watch his show, I am not convinced that all of them are really healed. And I do not understand as to how COP, the church I am attending now, came to sponsor/accomodate him in his crusades here in the Philippines.